These are troubling times.
We find ourselves living in a world of panic, despair and confusion.
A global economic crisis has left many people fearing for their futures.
Terrorism has become the world's number one enemy.
Global warming threatens to end us all.
Maddie is still missing.
Jade is dead.
These are troubling times.
Times when we wonder just how we're going to pull through.
We find ourselves asking "How long will these troubling times last?
And "when will we see and end to our woes?"
The G20 promised an injection of $1 trillion to resurrect the global economy.
Despite Bob Quick's efforts, a fresh terrorist plot was thwarted just last week.
Al Gore is at hand to nip that global warming shit in the bud.
Oprah's going to find Maddie.
So, we're safe, right?
Let's assume that we get this terrorism crap under control.
Bin Laden - Dead.
Muhammad Al Pickle - Dead.
Economy? $1 trill will do me nicely, thank you.
Global warming - Well, i live in England, so any kind of warmth would be much appreciated.
Brush all these problems aside, and a lesser-educated soul would be fooled into thinking that we're sorted.
Money back in the pocket.
Weather warming up nicely.
Mr Pickle dead with a rocket up his hairy anus.
But what about the next generation of global trauma?
With one problem solved, the next steps up to the mark to kick us all right in the nuts.
What will it be?
The sun going a bit limp?
A new virus, worse than AIDS?
Hell, this swine flu is trying it's hardest to make our lives a misery, but I've been monitoring the situation, and i know exactly what we, as a planet, have to deal with...and pig disease it ain't.
At first glance it's a deceivingly small risk, but, like a disease, the devastating misery that it will soon impact on the world will almost prove too much for some people to take.
I'm talking about this little madam...
Now, I'm not talking about the tired old bint on the left.
She's had her time.
Music porn, titty cones and child trafficking are so last year...it's the mono-browed runt on the right we need to prepare for now.
She's been seen at her mother's side with much regularity of late, what with the divorce to Guy Ritchie, and the never-ending trophy child saga...and it's now that we need to prepare for the worst.
Sooner than later she will be breaking free from her mother's teat
She'll probably wind up on Jay Leno, discussing how hard it has been to grow up in the public eye.
She'll surely go into detail about how she's had it harder than other 'normal' kids because her mother is a pathetic old sow.
Then she'll plug her upcoming reality show and perform her new hit single, which also happens to be the said show's theme din.
She'll probably do a little dance in a leotard too.
Phase two will be sitcom - 'Lourding It Over', where our little princess plays a hairy teen trying to make it in the business of show.
Phase three will see the Playboy shoot and experimentations with lesbianism, and by the time we reach the prescription pill stage (phase four) we'll be nothing but vengeful, blubbering wrecks.
WE MUST TAKE ACTION NOW.
We cannot just sit back and watch this media whore thrust her sweaty minge in our faces, just like her mother did 50 years ago.
We must stand together in unison and say "OI! Lourdes - NO!!!"
I could be wrong.
She may turn out to be most timid and delightful, in which case all we need to worry about is Rio Ferdinand spawning.
But let's not take that risk.
I have set up this website.
Please take a moment to make a visit and donate anything you can, so that we can make sure that Lourdes does not outstay her welcome in our homes.
http://www.notothemonobrow.com/
Thankyou.
